(Canada) Ltd.

Rising Tension

November, 2003

© Kenneth Betts

 I don’t like tension.  I suspect that most other people don’t like it either.  It’s uncomfortable.  It makes me tired.  It definitely fits in my list of negative things that I would like to avoid.  Worse yet, tension is often the first step to conflict; fighting, hurting, braking relationships and even worse.  All around, tension seems to be bad news and better avoided.  It doesn’t seem to fit in my desire for a contented life.

 Yet, I have learned through experience that tension is an important part of personal growth.  The first person to put it to me bluntly was my violin teacher.  ‘No one learns to play the violin until after they have gotten good and angry,’ he used to say.  Building tension, even to the point of anger, was an important part of his educational strategy.  Don’t misunderstand.  He loved his students and never abused them, personally or any other way.  He just knew how to create such dissatisfaction in the student with the current level of skill, that tension built and eventually flowered into anger that provided the emotional energy needed to master the skills of a good violinist.

 In fact, it could be said that tension is the normal emotional response to dissatisfaction with the status quo.  Therefore it is closely tied to change and an important component of personal growth as well as skills development.  You’ve probably heard it said, ‘No pain, no gain’ in reference to athletic training.  Well, ‘No tension, no growth’ is just as true.

 It is certainly true for any one who wishes to develop the skills required to work effectively or live contentedly cross culturally in the Arab world.  A lot of personal growth will have to happen before that person becomes truly effective cross culturally.  And with a lot of growth, will come a lot of tension and even periods of anger. What a strange paradox; tension is necessary to develop the skills required for a contented life.

 Effective management of tension is central to good cross cultural development on a personal level and even on community and national levels.  Some tension is needed, like a good stiff breeze in the sails of a yacht.  To much tension, like a gale wind, however can be disastrous.    But, even a good level of tension, like a good wind with a poor skipper, can be ineffective or disastrous when managed poorly.  Is it any wonder that without on-the-ground-couching, most expat workers return home before completing their assignments? 

 “Research shows that how well transferees make the adjustment to life in the destination country contributes significantly to international assignment success. NFTC's Global Relocation Survey, (1999), found that the most common factors in international assignment setbacks were spouse/ partner dissatisfaction (27 percent), family concerns (26 percent), and inability to adapt (21 percent). Clearly, employers want to do all they can to support assignee and accompanying family adjustment.”[1]

 Where does the tension that causes so much maladjustment come from?  And why is it so poorly managed?  Part of the answer lies in expats holding expectations and assumptions that turn out to be unrealistic or ineffective in new relationships.  And part of the answer lies in a misunderstanding of the role discontent and stress play in the personal growth process.

 For most people moving to the Middle East, the adjustment period consists of two basic stages.  The first stage is one of growing tension, rejection, and sometimes even hostility or anger at Arabs and the Arabic community.  If these tensions are not dealt with and resolved in a positive way, they will become the cause of another returning expat that didn’t finish the assignment.  This first period is typically a year or two long for Europeans and North Americans.  Failure to move on to the second stage is almost always because the expat runs away from the Arabic culture either by returning home or by becoming psychologically insulated from Arabic community. The second stage is a period of growing acceptance and contentment that continues for the remainder of the overseas assignment.  But, the stage of acceptance and contentment is never reached without the requisite dissatisfaction, tension and rejection along with personal behavioral changes, changes in values and perspectives, and personal growth.

 Like wind in sails, the growing tension provides the energy needed to power the changes in behavior, values, and perspectives.  ‘No tension, no growth.’  But, without proper training and coaching, most expat assignees will capsize rather than sail with the wind.  So, do yourself or your assignee a favor, save your self a lot of time and money by hiring a good on-the-ground-coach.

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